Friends
by Celandine Brandybuck
Summary: When Jill realises Eustaces's feelings, she wants to help.


For realpestilence, who wanted Jill watching Eustace, compassion, enduring, satisfaction.

**Friends**

Experiment House, even after the old Head was removed, allowed rather more freedom to its boys and girls than did most schools, and Jill liked that. After travelling in Narnia she had got used to independence, and especially to doing things with her friend Eustace Scrubb.

She knew that most of the other girls suspected that she "did things" with Eustace at school that were officially forbidden (although not uncommonly done), but took a certain satisfaction in never admitting that they were right. That was no one else's business but their own.

It had begun when they had had to share blankets for warmth, on Ettinsmoor, and had woken up huddled together. Jill knew enough to realise what was happening when she felt the firm length of Eustace's prick against her bum, even through both their clothing, and when she touched him there he bit his lip and nodded and trembled, until she felt dampness seeping through the fabric under her hand.

He apologised in a low tone, later that morning when Puddleglum happened to be a few yards further off than usual. She shook her head at him.

"Haven't you done it before?" For Jill had, a bit, with a neighbour boy over the summer hols.

"Not... not really. That is, not with a girl." Eustace turned red.

"Oh," said Jill blankly, and then Puddleglum called to them to hurry up, they wouldn't get there any faster by walking more slowly, and she didn't have another chance to talk privately to Eustace until that night.

Jill spent the time considering what Eustace had said. _Not with a girl._ So perhaps with other boys? Or else he _wanted_ to do it with boys? She thought about Eustace, how he was at school, who he talked about there – not that they'd known each other so terribly well at school, one didn't, but she knew him better than some of the others, and since they'd been in Narnia he'd talked rather more. Mostly he'd talked about the voyage he'd made on that oddly-named ship with his cousins Lucy and Edmund, and with the king, Caspian.

The wind whipped through her hair and Jill absentmindedly pulled the hood of her cloak up, marching along behind Puddleglum and not paying close attention to where they were going. _Edmund._ That was who Eustace fancied, she was nearly certain. He didn't say as much about Edmund as about Caspian, but he wouldn't, if he didn't want anyone to guess, and Puddleglum was naturally more interested in what his king had done, so Eustace emphasised that.

She wondered what it would be like, to be a boy who liked other boys. Like being a girl liking boys? Did boys kiss each other, or daydream about it? Did Edmund even like Eustace back? He was several years older, apparently, although there was some oddity about that; the way Eustace talked Edmund had been a king in Narnia for years and years, ages ago, and grown quite old indeed. And at any rate he didn't attend Experiment House, so whatever Eustace felt, he couldn't do much about it. Jill felt a wave of compassion for the probability that Eustace might fancy his cousin unrequited.

Just then Puddleglum stopped short and took hold of her arm, pointing ahead. "Look."

There was a marshy area with some large pools in it, and Jill could see the ducks he was gesturing toward. "Yes." She unslung her bow and strung it quickly, waiting for a duck to rise from the water and give her a good shot.

As it happened, both Jill and Puddleglum managed to get a duck that day, and there was enough brush near the marsh to let them roast the fowl and still have a bit of fire that evening. The night was cold, but she was growing used to enduring that, and besides, it was an excuse to share blankets with Eustace again. She wanted to find out more, if he would tell her. Puddleglum snored and they could whisper when they knew the Marshwiggle was asleep.

Not that night alone, but bit by bit as they journeyed Eustace, hesitantly, told her some of what he felt, and Jill divined more even than he said. She discovered that when he had a certain distant expression, he was remembering something about Edmund. She also gathered quite soon that, indeed, Edmund had never shown any sign of reciprocating Eustace's interest; not that Edmund preferred girls himself, but that the object of his own affections was King Caspian.

"Idiotic of me, really." Eustace pulled a face. "Maybe that's half of why I like him – it's safe, you know? There's no chance of anything actually happening. And Edmund's the type of chap who's loyal and honourable, even to a fault. He'll never see Caspian again, but he's bound to think I'm too young, that he'd be corrupting me."

"Not if you had some experience already," Jill pointed out.

Eustace looked at her. "But I haven't any."

"You could have. With me. If you liked." She felt very bold as she said it, but shy too. She wouldn't want Eustace as a proper boyfriend, knowing that he was in love with someone else, but he was more of a friend than anyone else she knew, and perhaps they could help each other learn.

"I'll think about it," said Eustace, and he looked as if he might say yes.

That was the day before they reached Harfang, and then events crowded in on them and nothing more was said or done until the adventure was over and they had returned home. Jill had only seen Caspian for a few moments, but if Edmund was anything like him, she thought she understood why Eustace might fancy either or both. She would herself.

Experiment House was dreadfully tame, after Narnia, but Eustace managed to tell her that he'd thought over her suggestion and wanted to try it, which made for a rather more enjoyable term than Jill had once hoped, even Eustace was so unromantic about it all that Jill tried to be too.

Still, sneaking out to meet each other without being discovered was always exciting, as was what they did, in a physical way at least. She learned a good deal about kissing and touching and what boys liked – what Eustace liked, anyhow, and what he said he'd seen other boys doing or heard them talking about. Jill didn't mind _too_ much that she was Eustace's second-best when it came to those things, especially since she knew that really, she was his best friend.

And to be friends – that was something worthwhile, whatever else might happen.


End file.
